Humorous Anti-Japanese Puns
30 October 2006
Anti-Japanese sentiment is rife and growing in China. The following message came by SMS from a Chinese friend. While pretty crude and racist, it is at least leavened by humour. Some may find it rather offensive, but it is actually kind of witty. A transliteration and explanation can be found below.
Rìběn jūnrén hěn sè, suǒyǐ jiào Huángjūn, hàosè jiù yào gàn nà shì, suǒyǐ jiào Rìjūn, zhànbài-hòu bù néng gàn nà shì le, zhǐ néng zìjǐ jiějué, yúshì gǎimíng wéi Zìwèi-duì, zìwèi jiù shì gàn zìjǐ, suǒyǐ jiào Rìběnrén.
The puns involved include:
黄军 Huángjūn 'Yellow army', i.e., 'pornographic army', pronounced the same as 皇军 Huángjūn 'Imperial Army'.
日 rì, which has two meanings: 'sun' and 'fuck' (slang). It is the 日 in 日本 Rìběn ('Japan', i.e., 'source of the sun'). It's also necessary to know that 本人 běnrén means 'the person him/herself'.
自慰 zìwèi 'self-consolation', i.e. 'masturbation', is pronounced the same as 自卫 zìwèi 'self defence'.
The above passage thus becomes:
Japanese military personnel are lecherous, that's why they are called the 'Imperial Army' (= 'Pornographic Army'). Lecherous means they want to do that thing, that's why they are called the 'Japanese Army' (= 'Fuck Army'). After their defeat they couldn't do that thing any more, they could only resolve it themselves, so their changed their name to the 'Self-Defence Forces' (= 'Masturbation Forces'). Masturbation means fucking yourself, that's why they are called Japanese (= 'fuck self').
Jìzhě: Qǐngwèn, yǐqián de Rìběn Jūnduì zhōng yǒu jìnǔ shì ma?
Xiǎoquán: Méi yǒu, zhǐ yǒu wèiānfū, wǒmen rì tāmen, suǒyǐ jiào Rìjūn
Jìzhě: Nà xiànzài Rìběn Jūndùi zhōng yǒu wèiānfū ma?
Xiǎoquán: Méi yǒu, tāmen xiànzài dōu zìwèi, suǒyǐ jiào Zìwèiduì.
Jìzhě: Nà nǐmen zěnme huì jiào Rìběnrén ne?
Xiǎoquán: Yīnwèi wǒmen dōu zìwèi, jiù shì rì zìjǐ, suǒyǐ jiào Rìběnrén.
Reporter: Please tell me, were there prostitutes in the Japanese Army in the past?
Koizumi: No, there were only comfort women. We fucked them, so we were called the Japanese Army (=Fuck Army).
Reporter: Are there comfort women in the Japanese Army now?
Koizumi: No, now they masturbate, so they are called the Self-Defence Forces (=Masturbation Forces).
Reporter: Then why are you called Japanese?
Koizumi: Because we all masturbate, that is to say, fuck ourselves, so we are called Japanese (=Fuck self).