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Translating Ishigami's letters in 容疑者Xの献身 ('The Devotion of Suspect X') into Chinese

(How Liu Ziqian turned Ishigami from a misfit otaku into a possessive boyfriend)

8 September 2018 (latest update 5 Oct 2020)

In earlier posts, I looked at the letters that Ishigami, posing as a stalker, sent to Yasuko when she was seeing Kudo (工藤 kudō), how Ishigami utilises 'student translationese' in those letters to present himself as a socially inept, robotic, obsessive otaku, and how the English translation took some liberties with the style and content of the letters to alter the portrayal of Ishigami's psychology and attitudes.

The book has also been translated into Chinese, raising the question: Has the translator managed to capture the tone of the letters (if at all), and if not, exactly what kind of Ishigami/stalker emerges from them?

cover of Chinese simplified version by Nanhai Chubanshe
The Complex Chinese Translation was published in Taiwan in 2006 by 獨步文化 (dúbù wénhuà) under the title 嫌疑犯X的獻身. The Simplified Chinese translation was published under the title 嫌疑人X的献身 by Nanhai Publishing (南海出版公司 nánhǎi chūbǎn gōngsī) in 2008. The translator in both cases was Taiwanese translator 刘子倩 / 劉子倩 liú zǐqiàn. There are apparently some minor differences between the two translations, and some deficiencies in the earlier Mainland edition were apparently resolved in a 新版 xīnbǎn new edition. I have access only to what is identified as the 第二版 dì'èrbǎn 'second edition' published by Nanhai Publishing in 2014.

As with English, most features of 'student translationese' are difficult or impossible to directly convey in Chinese. The inappropriate personal pronouns and their insistent use cannot be replicated since Chinese has fixed personal pronouns in ubiquitous use — although they are more likely to be dropped than in English. Chinese does not explicitly mark politeness levels of verbs, and imperatives are not inherently rude. Chinese does have translationese from Western languages, but while sometimes subject to criticism it has largely been naturalised.

Consequently, for the most part we will focus on the wider features of style and how the stalker's "voice" is presented in translation.

In fact, the Chinese translator makes no attempt to render Ishigami's letters in translationese. Instead, she continues to use the modern literary style that she uses in the body of the book: a form of modern written Chinese that incorporates certain elements from the older literary language — pronouns, demonstratives, and other grammatical features — and exploits the resources of the writing system to achieve a polished, succinct, and elegant diction. Writing in such a style is second nature to educated Chinese, especially products of a literate higher education. It is a style frequently employed for writing letters or more formal documents.

It is important to remember, however, that despite its predilection for literary expressions, this modern style is not itself literary Chinese: it is an elevated form of the modern colloquial that freely includes, or to be more accurate, requires elements from the ordinary spoken language. Grammatical particles of a non-literary nature, like jiù 'just' and cái 'only', and le (past marker), are essential to this style, as are everyday expressions like 想想 xiǎng xiǎng 'have a think', all of which are found in Ishigami's letters. Such expressions have a more informal, natural, and livelier flavour than literary diction and are an essential part of modern prose.

Within Ishigami's letters, this hybrid style results in a subtle contrast between 'cooler', 'more objective', 'more distant' prose, and segments where the cadences of everyday speech shine through, whether to add emphasis, make demands, or express attitudes. The differences between spoken and written styles are not absolute, but there is a clear difference of tone involved in using one of the other.


On this page:

A. Point-by-point comparison

The first letter
The second letter
The third letter
The fourth letter (a)
The fourth letter (b)
The fourth letter (c)
B. General comments

A. Point-by-point comparison

The first letter

最近、少し化粧が濃くなっているようだ。服も派手だ。そんなのは貴女らしくない。もっと質素な出で立ちのほうがよく似合う。それに帰りが遅いのも気になる。仕事が終わったら、すぐに帰りなさい。
Saikin, sukoshi keshō ga koku natte iru yō da. Fuku mo hade da. Sonna no wa anata rashiku nai. Motto shisso na idetachi no hō ga yoku niau. Sore ni kaeri ga osoi no mo ki ni naru. Shigoto ga owattara, sugu ni kaeri-nasai.
'Recently your makeup seems to have become a bit heavy. Your clothes are also flashy. That's not like you. A simpler style suits you. Also, I'm concerned at your returning home late. When your work is finished return home immediately.'


最近,你的妆化得很浓,衣服也很花哨。这样不像你,素雅一点的装扮才适合你。另,你的晚归也很令人在意。下班之后,就该立刻回家。
Zuìjìn, nǐ de zhuāng huà de hěn nóng, yīfu yě huāshao. Zhèyàng bú xiàng nǐ, sùyǎ yìdiǎn de zhuāngbàn cái shìhé nǐ. Lìng, nǐ de wǎnguī yě hěn lìng rén zàiyì. Xiàbān zhī hòu jiù gāi lìkè huíjiā.

'Recently, you apply your makeup very thickly, clothes are also gaudy. This is not like you, only simple and elegant attire suits you. Besides, your returning late is causing people concern. After finishing work you should return home immediately.'

The Chinese consists of short sentences in which Ishigami talks down to Yasuko. Criticisms are direct and portions telling her what to do use expressions from everyday speech. The total effect is somewhat "bossier" than the original Japanese. Where the Japanese is niggling, the Chinese is browbeating.

On the other hand, Ishigami's instructions to Yasuko for improving her behaviour have a more colloquial feel.

The second letter:

何か悩みがあるんじゃないのか。もしそうなら、遠慮なく私に話してほしい。そのために毎晩電話をかけているんだ。私なら貴女にアドバイスできることはたくさんある。ほかの人間は信用できない。信用してはいけない。私のいうことだけを聞いていればいい。
Nanika nayami ga arun' ja nai no ka. Moshi sō nara, enryo naku watashi ni hanashi te hoshii . Sono tame ni maiban denwa o kakete iru n' da . Watashi nara anata ni adobaisu dekiru koto wa takusan aru . Hoka no ningen wa shin'yō dekinai . Shin'yō shite wa ikenai . Watashi no yū koto dake o kii te ireba ii .
'Might you have some kind of worry? If so, I want you to tell me without reserve. It's for that purpose that I'm ringing you every evening. As for me, there is a lot of advice that I can give you. You can't trust other people. You shouldn't trust them. You should listen only to what I say.'


你是否有什么烦恼?如果有,希望你毫无保留地告诉我。我就是为了这个才每晚打电话。我可以给你提供很多建议,别人都不能相信,也不可相信,你只要听我的话就好。
Nǐ shìfǒu yǒu shénme fánnǎo? Rúguǒ yǒu, xīwàng nǐ háo wú bǎoliú de gàosù wǒ. Wǒ jiù shi wèile zhège cái měiwǎn dǎ diànhuà. Wǒ kěyǐ gěi nǐ tígōng hěn duō jiànyì, biérén dōu bùnéng xiāngxìn, yě bùkě xiāngxìn, nǐ zhǐ yào tīng wǒ de huà jiù hǎo.

'Do you have some worry? If you do, I hope that you will tell me without reservation. It's precisely for this that I ring you every night. I can give you many suggestions, other people you should not trust, also cannot trust, you should just listen to me.'

Overall, the second letter in Chinese sounds less caring and more domineering than the original. The Chinese largely loses the progression from solicitude to bossiness.

The first and second sentences, tending towards a written style, lose the stalker's rather disingenuous attempt at intimacy in the Japanese. On the other hand, when he says why he rings every night, Ishigami uses a spoken expression that sounds more emphatic than the Japanese. The final section, also using emphatic spoken language, is similar in tone to the Japanese.

With the exception of the first sentence, much of the letter is in a spoken style.

To explain his frequent phone calls, Ishigami uses the spoken-style 就是为了这个才 jiù shi wèile zhège cái 'it's precisely for this that'. This is the language of everyday life in Chinese and (in the context and depending on the intonation of the two versions) comes across as slightly stronger than the Japanese.

The strong advice 私のいうことだけを聞いていればいい Watashi no yū koto dake o kiite ireba ii 'you should listen to / do only what I tell you' is rendered as 你只要听我的话就好 nǐ zhǐ yào tīng wǒ de huà jiù hǎo 'you should just listen to / do what I say', losing the sense of だけ dake 'only' in the original. The style is colloquial and assertive.

The third letter:

不吉な予感がする。貴女が私を裏切っているのではないか、というものだ。そんな事は絶対にないと信じているが、もしそうなら私は貴女を許さないだろう。なぜなら私だけが貴女の味方だからだ。貴女を守れるのは私しかない。
Fukitsu na yokan ga suru. Anata ga watashi o uragitte iru no de wa nai ka, to yū mono da. Sonna koto wa zettai ni nai to shinjite iru ga, moshi sō nara watashi wa anata o yurasanai darō. Naze nara watashi dake ga anata no mikata da kara da. Anata o mamoreru no wa watashi shika nai .
'I have an ominous premonition. It is that you may be betraying me. I believe that this is absolutely not true but if it were I would probably not forgive you. That's because only I am your ally. The only one who can protect you is me.'


我有不祥的预感,我担心你会背叛我。虽然我相信这绝不可能,但如果真有这种事,我绝不会原谅你。只有我才是你的战友,只有我能保护你。
Wǒ yǒu búxiàng de yǔgǎn, wǒ dānxīn nǐ huì bèipàn wǒ. Suīrán wǒ xiāngxìn zhè jué bù kěnéng, dàn rúguǒ zhēn yǒu zhèzhǒng shì, wǒ jué bù huì yuánliang nǐ. Zhǐ yǒu wǒ cái shi nǐ de zhànyǒu, zhǐ yǒu wǒ néng bǎohù nǐ.

'I have an ominous premonition, I worry that you might betray me. Although I believe this definitely cannot be possible, if there really is such a thing, I will definitely not forgive you. I am your only comrade-in-arms, only I can protect you.'

The third letter faithfully follows the contours of the Japanese but weeds out or ignores 'student translationese', making the language more logical and straightforward. The language is relatively vehement, including some spoken expressions which strengthen the impression of browbeating. At the point where Ishigami expresses confidence in Yasuko, then threatens what will happen if she is actually guilty, the Chinese reinforces the conditional by adding zhēn 'really'.

One substantive difference is the translation of 味方 mikata 'ally', 'person on your side' as 战友 zhànyǒu 'comrade-in-arms', depicting a rather different relationship between Ishigami and Yasuko. Rather than just threatening to stop protecting Yasuko, the Chinese Ishigami cunningly appeals to their common cause.

In detail:

The first 'translationese'-style split sentence is:

不吉な予感がする。
Fukitsu na yokan ga suru.
'(I) have an ominous premonition.'
貴女が私を裏切っているのではないか、というものだ。
Anata ga watashi o uragitte iru no de wa nai ka, to yū mono da.
'It is that you may be betraying me.'
我有不祥的预感,
Wǒ yǒu búxiàng de yǔgǎn,
'I have an ominous premonition,'
我担心你会背叛我。
wǒ dānxīn nǐ huì bèipàn wǒ.
'I worry that you might betray me.'

There are two main differences from the Japanese:

The section where Ishigami expresses trust, followed by a threat not to forgive if that trust is broken, and the illogical reason for this, are subtly altered.

The letter on Ishigami's computer

貴女が頻繁に会っている男性の素性をつきとめた。写真を撮っていることから、そのことはおわかりいただけると思う。
貴女に訊きたい。この男性とはどういう仲なのか。
もし恋愛関係にあるというのなら、それはとんでもない裏切り行為である。
Anata ga hinpan ni atte iru dansei no sujō o tsukitometa. Shashin o totte iru koto kara, sono koto wa o-wakari itadakeru to omou.
Anata ni kikitai. Kono dansei to wa dō yū naka na no ka.
Moshi ren'ai kankei ni aru to yū no nara, sore wa tonde mo nai uragiri kōi de aru.
'I've determined the background of the man you are meeting frequently. I think you can understand that from the fact that I have taken a photo/photos.
I want to ask you. What is your relationship with this man?
If you say you are in a romantic relationship, that would be an outrageous act of betrayal.'



我已查明和你频频见面的人是何来历。我特地拍下照片,你应该明白我的意思。我想问你:和这个男人是何关系?如果是恋爱关系,那你严重背叛了我。
Wǒ yǐ chámíng hé nǐ pínpín jiànmiàn de rén shi hé láilì. Wǒ tèdì pài xià zhàopiān, nǐ yīnggāi míngbai wǒ de yìsi. Wǒ xiǎng wèn nǐ: hé zhège nánrén shi shénme guānxi? Rǔguǒ shi liàn'ài guānxi, nàme nǐ yánzhòng bèipàn le wǒ.

'I have found out what the origin of the person you often see is. I've specially taken photos, you should understand my meaning. I want to ask you: what is your relationship with this man? If it is a romantic relationship, then you have seriously betrayed me.'

The translated letter begins coldly but becomes increasingly vehement, reflecting the content.

Ishigami points out that he has identified Kudō in a completely formal, literary style. The language is cold and impersonal. Where Ishigami refers to the enclosed photos, the Chinese uses a reproachful and menacing expression reminiscent of ordinary life, unlike the Japanese original which uses a condescending honorific. The indignant tone in the last two sentences reproduces the tone of the Japanese.

The combination of cold written language and elements from everyday speech create a hostile, strongly worded paragraph that is close to the effect of the Japanese.

For the first sentence, the Chinese uses typical written expressions:

'already' Colloquial 已经 yǐjīng 'already'
'with' Colloquial gēn 'with'
'which, what' Colloquial 什么 shénme 'what, which'

The translation uses 来历 láilì 'origin' as a translation of Japanese 素性 sujō 'background, identity'.

The resulting style is cool and formal.

Ishigami points out that she should realise this since he has taken photos. The Japanese is polite in a condescending, sarcastic way. The Chinese sounds more menacing:

The question about Yasuko's relationship with Kudō follows the Japanese in both tone and style. It starts with a spoken form typical of heated argument:

The question itself slips back into a partly written style:

The final sentence, stating that a relationship with Kudō would be a serious betrayal, is a relatively straightforward translation with a hint of spoken language to convey extra expression:

Second section:

私が貴女のためにどんなことをしたと思っているのだ。
私は貴女に命じる権利がある。即刻、この男性と別れなさい。
さもなくば、私の怒りはこの男性に向かうことになる。
Watashi ga anata no tame ni donna koto o shita to omotte iru no da.
Watashi wa anata ni meijiru kenri ga aru. Sokkoku, kono dansei to wakare-nasai.
Samonakuba, watashi no ikari wa kono dansei ni mukau koto ni naru.
'Don't you know what I've done for you?
I have the right to give you orders. Break up with this man immediately.
If you don't, my anger will be directed at this man.'



我想问你:你也想想,我为你做了什么?我有权命令你,立刻和这个男人分手。否则,我的怒火将烧向他。
Wǒ xiǎng wèn nǐ: nǐ yě xiǎngxiǎng, wǒ wéi nǐ zuò le shénme? Wǒ yǒu quán mìnglìng nǐ, lìkè hé zhège nánrén fēnshǒu. Fǒuzé, wǒ de nǔhuǒ jiāng shāo-xiàng tā.

'I want to ask you: you also think, what have I done for you? I have the right to give you orders; break up with this man immediately. Otherwise my flames of anger will burn towards him.'

The translator uses a mixture of literary and spoken language to highlight the strong feelings of the paragraph. At one point phrases from everyday speech are doubled up to capture the argumentative tone of the Japanese. At another an exaggerated literary-style translation captures the stalker's impersonally delivered threat, resulting in an overdramatic tone where the Japanese is, if anything, less direct.

In detail:

The colloquial tone of Ishigami's question: ...と思っているのだ。 ... to omotte iru no da 'What do you think ...?' — meaning 'Don't you know ...!' is translated with a double-barrelled expression:

Both expressions are normal enough in the cut and thrust of conversation. The insistent tone conveyed by using both continues to evoke the feeling of an intense argument.

The translation conveys the stalker's assertion of his right to tell Yasuko what to do and his command to break up in a blunt style. To render the Japanese familiar imperative -なさい, the Chinese uses a plain imperative:

The threat that the stalker's anger would go in the direction of Kudō is expressed dramatically in a literary manner. Whereas the Japanese simply consists of two intransitives (向かうことになる mukau koto ni naru literally 'come to go in the direction of') to make the sentence sound threateningly impersonal, the translator tends to exaggeration:

The translation plays up the intensity of Ishigami's potential anger and loses the linguistically impersonal nature of the threat.

この男性に富樫と同じ運命を辿らせることは、今の私には極めて容易である。その覚悟もあるし、方法も持っている。
繰り返すが、もしこの男性と男女の関係にあるのならば、そんな裏切りを私は許さない。必ず報復するだろう。
Kono dansei ni Togashi to onaji unmei o tadoraseru koto wa, ima no watashi ni wa kiwamete yōi de aru. Sono kakugo mo aru shi, hōhō mo motte iru.
Kurikaesu ga, moshi kono dansei to danjo no kankei ni aru no naraba, sonna uragiri o watashi wa yurusanai. Kanarazu hōfuku suru darō.
'For me as I am now, causing this man to meet the same fate as Togashi is extremely easy. I'm prepared and also have the means.
I repeat: if you are in a physical relationship with this man, I will not forgive that kind of betrayal. I will probably definitely get revenge.'



让此人经历与富㭴相同的命运,对我而言易如反掌。我已有此心理准备,也有办法做到。再重复一次:如果你和此人有男女关系,我绝不允许这种背叛。我一定会报复。
Ràng cǐ rén jīnglì yǔ Fùjiān xiāngtóng de mìngyùn, duì wǒ ér yán yìrúfǎnzhǎng. Wǒ yǐ yǒu cǐ xīnlǐ zhǔnbèi, yě yǒu bànfǎ zuò dào. Zài chóngfù yícì: rúguǒ nǐ hé cǐ rén yǒu nánnǚ guānxi, wǒ jué bù yúnxǔ zhè-zhǒng bèipàn. Wǒ yídìng huì bàofu.

'To me, making this person experience the same fate as Togashi is extremely easy. I'm already psychologically prepared, and I have the way to do it. I repeat one more time, if you have physical relations with this person, I definitely will not allow this kind of betrayal. I will certainly get revenge.'

This section is almost completely translated in a literary style. The withdrawal into cold impersonality is entirely appropriate to the content. Ishigami is no longer haranguing Yasuko; he is coldly threatening to eliminate her suitor and take revenge on her. The Chinese also eliminates vestiges of translationese in the original to make the threats more direct.

In detail:

In Chinese, virtually the entire section is in a literary or written style.

Typical elements include:

'this' Colloquial 这个 zhège 'this'
相同 xiāngtóng 'the same' Colloquial 一样 yíyàng 'the same'
对我而言 duì wǒ ér yán 'for me' Colloquial 对我来说 duì wǒ lái shuō 'for me'
易如反掌 yì rú fǎn zhǎng 'easy as turning over my palm' Colloquial 很容易 hěn róngyì 'very easy'
'already' Colloquial 已经 yǐjīng 'already'
'with' Colloquial gēn 'with'

Perhaps the only truly spoken element is rāng 'cause' instead of lìng 'cause'.

Where the Japanese uses the peculiar sequence of 許さない yurusanai 'will not forgive', followed by 必ず報復するだろう kanarazu hōfuku suru darō 'definitely probably get revenge', at both places the Chinese is a direct threat: 我绝不允许 ... 我一定会报复 wǒ jué bu yúnxǔ ... Wǒ yídìng huì bàofu. 'I definitely will not allow ... I will certainly get revenge'.

The use of 一定会 yídìng huì 'definitely may, will' in the second sentence is not appreciably weaker than 绝不 jué bù 'absolutely won't' in the first. The result is a firm and straightforward threat in both sentences in Chinese.


B. General comments on the Chinese translation

As we saw in our earlier post, the English translation takes a number of 'creative liberties' with the original. By contrast, there are few glaring errors or drastic alterations of meaning in the Chinese. Nevertheless, the Chinese does impart a subtly different colouring to the letters. This is partly due to the translator's stylistic decision to render the letters in the same literary mode as the body of the book, interspersed with ordinary speech.

Ishigami's voice in the Japanese original, while heavily coloured by 'student translationese', shows clear variation between letters, from the quiet but controlling tone of the first letter; the reaching out and reassuring tone of the second; the sudden harsher language of the third; and the anger and unrestrained threats of the fourth. Translationese is most noticeable in the last two letters, where it is used to oppressive effect.

The use of literary register from the outset in the Chinese helps muffle the changes in tone between the letters. This register is used to convey Ishigami's displeasure at Yasuko's attire and late hours (where the Japanese Ishigami is more low key but annoying), to sound Yasuko out on the changes in her behaviour (where the Japanese is disingenuously sympathetic), to express alarm at the possibility of betrayal (where the Japanese Ishigami shows strong signs of upset), and of course to express Ishigami's rage in the final letter. It is only at this final letter that the coolness of the literary style could really be said to have something like the effect of translationese in the original.

The spoken segments, on the other hand, are more heated in the Chinese. They are reminiscent of the language used in discussions and arguments in everyday life. Whether telling Yasuko what to wear and what times to keep (where the Chinese is more direct and overbearing than the original), explaining why he phones every night, confronting her with questions, or reminding her what he has done, the language is emphatic, familiar, and domineering. We can hear Ishigami haranguing Yasuko. The language is easily imagined as a lecture from a family member or boyfriend.

With its two styles, the Chinese translation simplifies and amplifies the tone of the letters, making them slightly less nuanced and slightly more strident than the original. The letters seem to be uniformly browbeating Yasuko into bowing to the stalker's wishes.

Coming from a stalker, the letters sound presumptuous and intrusive, the kind of attitude that a stalker might be expected to have. Coming from Ishigami, on the other hand, they seem to show Ishigami dropping his mask towards Yasuko. What lies behind the mask is not the emotional awkwardness of the otaku, nor the supercilious, pretended malice of the sociopath, but the possessive attitude of the controlling boyfriend, a cultural type that is largely taken for granted in China. This, too, is a kind of love, but it is a different kind of love from that found in the Japanese and the English.


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